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Jeeves and the Chocolate Cockstand

Rating: NC-17
Summary: It's Bertie's birthday, but it's Jeeves who gets the present.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, yadda yadda yadda.
Pairing: Jeeves/Wooster
A/N: Thank you to crowson75 as always for the brilliant beta job. She is a marvel. :D And thanks to storyfan who prodded me into writing this. This is for her.

"Ow, dash it!"

That was not the greeting I had been expecting when I returned from the market with the ingredients for Mr. Wooster's birthday dinner in the basket on my arm. I had expected a kiss on the cheek from my employer-turned-lover and a "What-ho, Jeeves," as is Mr. Wooster's custom. The exclamation of pain and, if I deduced it correctly, frustration that emanated from the master bedroom was perplexing and a not a little worrisome.

"Sir?" I called as I made my way toward the door. "Sir, are you injured?"

"Jeeves!" came back the startled reply. "No, Jeeves, I'm fine. Don't come in just yet, old thing. I'm not quite ready."

Mr. Wooster's speech was rapid and nervous, but held no further note of pain, so I complied with his wish, though my curiosity was piqued. I had no idea what Mr. Wooster could have been planning in our bedroom that he did not want me to see. I suspected it had erotic possibilities, though, so I did not press the matter. Instead, I proceeded to the kitchen to put away my recent purchases.

I had just emptied my basket and entered the living room when I heard Mr. Wooster's voice call from the bedroom. "Jeeves! Come join me, old thing!"

As I crossed the living room, I heard a sound suspiciously like a saucepan being tossed on a hardwood floor. My left eyebrow rose of its own volition in a questioning manner, even as I felt myself frown at the abuse my cookware was suffering. As I opened the master bedroom door, however, all questions as to Mr. Wooster's strange behaviour were answered.

On his bed, Mr. Wooster lay in a pose that could be called nothing other than wanton. His arms were artistically arranged over his head to indicated insouciance, but his long, lean legs were spread and bent so that the observer would never read carefree innocence in his naked sprawl. I say he was naked, which is technically true as he wore no clothing, but he was not bare. Over his groin was a thick coating of a dark brown substance which I quickly determined was melted chocolate. His impressive erection was liberally sprinkled with hundreds and thousands, and a blob of whipped cream covered each nipple and trailed down his chest to his navel, where a single glacé cherry was nestled.

"Oh, my," I said, my mouth watering.

"I know it's my birthday, Jeeves, my love," the imp said with a lubricious smile. "But I made you a cake. I hope you don't mind."

I stepped into the room, my hands clenching and releasing with their eagerness to fill my palms with his sweet flesh. "I have no objections," I rasped. "Though I didn't know you were such an accomplished baker, sir."

"Well," he said with a laugh. "The actual cake was beyond me, I'm afraid, but I did manage the icing." He trailed one hand down his body from forehead to navel, slowly stroking his toned and flawless skin. Once he reached his groin, he ran a finger from the tip of his erection the base, then held it out to me, covered in chocolate. "Would you like a taste, Jeeves?"

I was upon him in an instant.

I straddled his knees and grabbed his forearm tightly in my fist to bring his finger to my lips. The chocolate was still warm, too warm, and I hoped that the exclamation of pain had not been because he burned his genitals with the melted confection. That would ruin my plans, indeed, if they were injured.

Once I had sucked every trace of chocolate from his skin, I released Bertie's finger and hungrily eyed his coated groin. Quickly, I divested myself of my jacket, waistcoat, shirt and vest, lest I inadvertently ruin them with chocolate stains. While I undressed, Bertie writhed between my thighs, his hands playing ever so slightly in the cream over his nipples. He whimpered my name several times in just the way that drove me mad with lust. As soon as my clothing was out of danger, I placed my hands beside his head and leaned down to take his mouth with my own.

Bertie tasted sweet, as if he had been sampling the cream as he decorated himself. I sucked at his tongue and lips, eager for more of the taste. I pulled the slick, red muscle of his tongue deeply into my own mouth, drawing on it, letting him experience the suction there before I moved on to suck other delicious places. He hummed in pleasure then pulled away from me. His eyes fluttered open and pleaded with me as he said, "Please, Jeeves."

"My pleasure," I rasped at him, my voice husky with desire and love. Starting with his lush and swollen bottom lip, I placed soft, open-mouthed kisses down his chin and throat, stopping to nip at a delicate collarbone before reaching the edge of the mess on his chest. Using broad strokes, I licked the cream from his skin, revealing lightly freckled skin and a sparse covering of dark hair.

When the taut bud of his left nipple was exposed, I nipped the very tip. Bertie's hips bucked off the bed, rubbing his chocolate erection against my own groin. A brief thought for my trousers crossed my mind. I pushed myself up and swiftly undid the flies, tugging both trousers and pants down to my knees. I threw myself forward again, until my naked groin connected with Bertie's.

I ravished his chest. The cream smeared over his skin and my face. Beneath me, Bertie gasped and twisted and rubbed his prick against my belly. I could feel the chocolate melting from our body heat and squishing between us. Following the line of sweet cream, I dragged my tongue down his body, avoiding the cherry in his navel, until I tasted chocolate.

"Oh, Lord, yes, Jeeves!" Bertie gasped and clenched the fingers of one hand in my hair.

Unwilling to tease either him or myself, I immediately took the crown of his erection into my mouth. The taste of chocolate, dark and sweet, exploded on my tongue. It was delicious, but not the taste I truly hungered for. I licked and sucked until I could detect the saltiness of Bertie's skin.

Withdrawing, I gazed down at the clean head resting against his chocolate-coated lower belly. Clear fluid welled up from the slit, and I moaned my lover's name. "Jeeves," he implored me, need evident in his voice. His hips rose toward my mouth. The hundreds and thousands decorating his shaft gave me an idea. I wanted to see his gorgeous prick sprinkled with something else.

Sitting back on my knees, I took my own cock into my hand and began to stroke. I was leaking profusely and I mixed the fluid with the chocolate that had rubbed off onto me to lubricate my movements. "Oh, Bertie, how beautiful you are."

"Jeeves, come back," Bertie said wantonly. His slim hips twitched and his fingers caressed his own inner thighs. "Give me your mouth again."

"Not yet," I told him. My hand moved faster over my flesh. I began to move my hips in time with the rhythm of my fist. My spare hand cradled my testicles, my eyes devouring my love as he begged for my attention with his body.

Bertie's long pianist fingers moved slowly up his sides to tease at his nipples again. His thighs moved farther apart and drew up toward his chest. I could see that the melting chocolate had dripped between his buttocks and was now coating his anus. I felt my testicles draw up and my stomach clench in preparation for my orgasm.

"Jeeves, want you," Bertie purred, his heavy-lidded eyes following my every movement.

"Love you," I gasped and came. Though the pleasure rolling through me threatened to rob me of my senses, I managed to have the presence of mind to direct the spurts of semen so that they landed across Bertie's shaft and balls.

As soon as I recovered my breath, I had Bertie down my throat. The salt and bleach taste of my seed blended with the sweet chocolate covering him and became an intoxicating mix that sent throbs of desire coursing once again through my recently spent body. I could hear Bertie shouting my name and entreaties to several deities as he bucked upward, fucking my mouth with desperation.

I rubbed a fingertip over his anus then gently inserted the tip as I sucked hard and deep. I swallowed around him several times. My head began to swim with lust, lack of oxygen, and, I suspect, the amount of sugar I had consumed. With a vicious yank on my hair, Bertie arched up and came into my mouth, shouting his pleasure in nonsensical phrases.

I continued to suck him until he was limp and panting underneath me. Finally drawing back, I ran the back of one hand over my mouth, wiping away traces of cream, chocolate, saliva, and semen. I swallowed thickly one final time, then leaned down to pluck the cherry from my love's navel with my lips. I fell forward onto his heaving chest and strained my neck so that I could reach his mouth with my own. Needing no instruction, Bertie gently bit the cherry in half. We ate it with our lips touching, opening occasionally to admit questing tongues, sharing the sweet taste and a few deep kisses. When we had finished our dessert, I attached my lips to his neck and held him close.

When he had recovered, Bertie turned his head and kissed my forehead. "Well, well, well," he said, still a little breathless. "That went fairly well, I'd say."

"Yes, sir." I smiled tenderly at him. "Though I believe I should have been the one covered in chocolate, given that it is your birthday."

"Pshaw," Bertie said, waving a limp hand in my direction. "Believe me, Jeeves, it was my pleasure."

"I am glad, sir." I nuzzled his neck, then looked down his ravished body to his softening penis. It was slightly red in a way that had nothing to do with our lovemaking. I remembered his cry of pain as I entered the flat. "Sir, did you burn yourself?" I asked, a frown replacing my look of satiation.

Bertie shrugged as much as he could with my head on his shoulder. "A bit. I thought I had cooled it enough, but it was dashed hot when I spread it on the Little Wooster."

"Should I--"

"Don't fuss, Jeeves. It's fine." He drew me closer to him and kissed my forehead once more.

We were both a sweaty, sticky mess and would need a hot bath eventually, but for the moment, I closed my eyes and reveled in our intimacy. "Happy birthday, sir," I said softly.

"Thank you, Jeeves. Sleep now, old thing."

"But, sir, the sheets--"

"I'll buy you new sheets, Jeeves."

"...Very good, sir."



( 49 comments — Leave a comment )
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Oct. 25th, 2009 08:50 pm (UTC)
I am still in awe at how well you write these two. Jeeves removing his clothing to stop it being ruined and worrying about the sheets made me giggle.
Oct. 25th, 2009 10:36 pm (UTC)
thank you! i'm glad it made you giggle.
Oct. 25th, 2009 09:01 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness that was hot and delicious. And I think this might be the first Jooster fic I've ever read that will leave me in fear of saying the title out loud, for obvious reasons.
Oct. 25th, 2009 10:35 pm (UTC)
thank you! the title was all storyfan's fault. if it had been up to me, i probably would have called it "jeeves and the choco-cock" or something. *lol*
Oct. 25th, 2009 09:25 pm (UTC)
The title alone made me howl.
And they're all so bizarrely in character in this unusual situation. I'm still giggling.
Oct. 25th, 2009 10:32 pm (UTC)
Re: The TITLE!
*lol* the title was all storyfan's fault. if it had been up to me, i probably would have called it "jeeves and the choco-cock" or something. ;P
Oct. 25th, 2009 09:56 pm (UTC)

That was so fab!
I love reading your fics, you're like a master of porn. But this fic was truly superb, and a brill idea to begin with. :)
Oct. 25th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)
*lol* oh, i don't know. i think a couple of others could have written chocolate cocks, too. ;P

thank you, dear! i'm so glad you liked it. :DDD and it was a brilliant idea. i don't know who originally came up with it, but storyfan gets the credit for suggesting it to me.
Oct. 25th, 2009 10:17 pm (UTC)
*is a puddle*

That was hot. Really hot. And the end, with Jeeves worrying about the sheets made me wibble a bit as well! Bravo.

Gosh, and I've read this just before bed as well.

Oct. 25th, 2009 10:29 pm (UTC)
thank you! :D i hope it gives you good dreams tonight. ;D
Oct. 25th, 2009 10:43 pm (UTC)

*wipes steam from glasses*

You're like...the porn fairy or something. We make a wish, you deliver! :D Prawnzy goodness aside, the ending gave me little wibbly awws. ♥
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:51 am (UTC)
*LOL* does that mean you guys should be giving me teeth? 'cause i'd rather have chocolate. ;P
Oct. 25th, 2009 10:46 pm (UTC)
Poor Little Wooster!

You are the most darling of darlings. This is a sweet, hot, sexy mouthful of a story and no one could have written it better than you did.

You give me too much credit. You did it all yourself.

P.S. I love what you did with the cherry. Perfect.

Edited at 2009-10-25 10:50 pm (UTC)
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:50 am (UTC)
aw, i don't know about that, but you're a dear for saying it. :D and thank you for the prompt! it really did seem to help with my writer's block. it made the next fic a lot easier to write.
Oct. 25th, 2009 11:01 pm (UTC)
Awww, that was sweet. And sugary. And delicious!
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:49 am (UTC)
thank you, dear! :DD
Oct. 25th, 2009 11:25 pm (UTC)
AT LAST! We have a chocolate cockstand! Wooot!
This was a giggle and a grin! Well done, old fruit!

Chocolate covered bananas for everyone!
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:48 am (UTC)
i hope it was worth the wait! :D
(no subject) - random_nexus - Oct. 29th, 2009 02:55 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - waqaychay - Oct. 29th, 2009 02:59 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 25th, 2009 11:38 pm (UTC)

Good lord, the title. :D This was so hot, and amazing, and just, wow... Also, I thought the bit with the cherry was very sweet. :D

Now you've got me wondering how Jeeves is going to reciprocate on his birthday... :P

Brilliant! *thumbs up*
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:48 am (UTC)
the title was all storyfan. :D she's brilliant.

thank you! i'm glad you liked it.
Oct. 26th, 2009 01:36 am (UTC)
I feel a desperate need for Lindt chocolate now. And a few napkins to wipe drool.
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:39 am (UTC)
i have to admit that i had a bit of chocolate, too, after writing this. though i don't think i enjoyed mine as much as jeeves did his. *lol*
Oct. 26th, 2009 04:10 am (UTC)
How did you know just what I requited, old thing?

*happy sigh*
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:39 am (UTC)
i'm psychic. ;D
Oct. 26th, 2009 04:49 am (UTC)
Awesome! I love Bertie's sweetness and Jeeves' response. The cherry was marvellous.
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:38 am (UTC)
thank you! :D i almost forgot the cherry. good thing i have a great beta.
Oct. 26th, 2009 03:01 pm (UTC)
This was all sorts of yummy.
Thanks so much, it was just what I needed *goes to happy place*
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:37 am (UTC)
thank you! :D
Oct. 26th, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC)
Lol, this was so sweet - literally sweet! <3
Oct. 29th, 2009 02:37 am (UTC)
thank you! :D
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( 49 comments — Leave a comment )