Summary: Ianto visits his mother for Christmas. Jack misses him.
Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously. I have nothing to do with Torchwood.
A/N: This one was written for celtprincess13. I always seem to write dialog fics for her for some reason. I'm just glad she doesn't seem to mind. ;D No spoilers.
"Hey, how did you know it was me?"
"You programmed my phone to play my voice shouting your name in ecstasy whenever you called, remember? I still want to know where you recorded that."
"If I told you, you'd never have sex with me in that room again."
"Ah, you're no fun, Ianto."
"I suppose I could settle for you telling me how to unprogram the damned phone. I'm at my mother's, Jack. I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do when I go back in there."
"Where are you now?"
"My old bedroom."
"Kinky. I've always wanted to do you in the room you grew up in."
"That's sick, Jack. Besides, I think the age difference between us is big enough already without you wanting to fuck a younger version of me."
"I didn't say I wanted a younger you. I'd just like to pound you into the mattress with posters of your adolescent crushes on the walls and your parents in the next room."
"And that's so much better."
"You did have posters up, didn't you? Are they still there?"
"Tell me who's on your wall."
"Come on, Ianto, spill. Who is it? Wait, let me guess. Astrid Pitt."
"Oh, wait. That's the 2080s, not 1980s. So, um, Samantha Fox?"
"She is, isn't she! Ha!"
"I hate you."
"I can see you now. Teenaged Ianto, covered in spots, lying in bed, looking at her posters, stroking off under the covers."
"I did not have spots."
"I bet you thought about fucking her tits, rubbing off between those beautiful breasts of hers. I bet you dreamed about it at night. Oohh, that's hot."
"...Jack, what are you doing?"
"I bet you dreamed about her sucking you off on stage, with the whole crowd watching, and then woke up so horny that you'd shove your pants down and jerk off hard and rough, still all sleep warm and clumsy.... Mmmm...."
"Jack? Are you... are you wanking?"
"You had better still be wearing that cock ring I put on you. I told you not to take it off until I said you could. If you've cheated, I won't be happy."
"It's still on. As much as I'd enjoy the punishment, I haven't taken it off. I'm stroking over the clasp right now, just waiting for you to say the word to undo it...."
"Well, stop it! I can't have phone sex with you right now. My mum is in the next room and it's Christmas, for fuck's sake!"
"Is your mom hot?"
"I am hanging up this phone."
"No! Wait, Ianto. I was just kidding about your mom, you know that. Sit down on your bed. Relax. Just talk to me."
"I can't believe you. No, wait. Yes, I can."
"Are you sitting down?"
"...Yes. God, why do I let you talk me into these things?"
"Don't worry about it. Just open your jeans."
"Are you hard?"
"Getting there. Are you?"
"Since you left, actually."
"I miss you, too, Jack."
"Take your cock out."
"Demanding, aren't you?"
"You've been gone for two days, Ianto. I'm about to explode here!"
"Oh, poor Jack. Hasn't had sex in two days. I feel so horrible for you."
"Then fix it and let me come. Say something naughty."
"All right. Fuck, Jack, this had better be quick."
"Then shut up and talk. Don't snort, you know what I mean."
"Yeah. Oh, I'm, uh.... I'm touching myself. Sliding my hand along my cock, thinking of your hands."
"Yeah? Does it feel good?"
"God, Jack, so good. I love the way you touch me. Your hands... your hands are brilliant."
"Yours are, too. I love your fingers in my ass. Love your tongue in there more, though."
"Ah, shit, Jack!"
"Like that image, do you?"
"Holy hell, yes. I want you on your knees in front of me. I want to lick you until you're moaning, then fuck you, hard and deep."
"Yes, Ianto! I want that, too. Want your cock in me so deep."
"What are you doing right now, Jack? Do you have your fingers in your hole?"
"Yeah, got three inside me, imagining they're your cock."
"You know my cock is bigger than three fingers, Jack. Put in another one."
"God, yeah. Now, stroke them in and out. Really feel them in you."
"I do. God, Ianto."
"Fuck yourself, Jack. Fuck yourself hard."
"Oh, I am. Fuck!"
"Yeah, Jack, do it."
"Are you -- god! Are you jerking off?"
"No, I'm fucking you. It's your hole around me, gripping me. Fuck, you're so tight, Jack!"
"Yes, jesus, fuck me, Ianto!"
"In you so deep, Jack. Gonna taste me when I come in you."
"Shit! Someone's knocking at the door! I'm fine! Be there in a moment!"
"Hurry, Ianto! Finish me off, already!"
"God, fuck, Jack--"
"Do it, Jack. Take off the ring. Come with me!"
"Aaaahhh! Ianto, now! Now, now!"
"Oh, fuck, Jack!"
"Oh, shit. Oh, shit."
"Fuck. Oh, god. Jack, you there?"
"I think I died again. Stop laughing."
"No, I'm not. It's just, I nearly had a heart attack, too. My mum, knocking right before...."
"Haha! I can just imagine your face."
"Jesus, I'm a mess here. There's come everywhere."
"Me, too. I think I have it in my hair."
"My bed is ruined. How the hell am I going to explain this?"
"Just tell her the phone did it. Tell her I was calling you a lot."
"Very funny, Jack. Seriously, I have to face that woman now."
"You're a grown man, Ianto. You can have phonesex in your old bedroom with your boss if you want to."
"Try telling her that."
"Hand me over to her and I will. In painstaking detail."
"Wait! Don't hang up."
"...I love you."
"Oh, Jack. I love you, too."
"Happy Christmas, Ianto."
"Happy Christmas. And, Jack?"
"Did you put the cockring back on?"
"Of course, love. You'll come take it off me tomorrow?"
"Looking forward to it. Bye, Ianto."